It’s official – these things really do only happen to me

Would you rather have artificial sweetener in your risotto, or risotto in your coffee? Not a question that’s probably ever been asked before, but one I had to decide on last night. Because my life is stupid.

A week or so ago I was making a bleary-eyed coffee and dropped an open pot of sweeteners into my food cupboard. And all over the kitchen floor. (There are 1,000 in a packet and it was nearly full.) Due to aforementioned bleary-eye-ness I couldn’t immediately find the pot. Assuming it had disappeared behind the fridge, I salvaged what I could and thought no more of it. (Except every time I stepped on a sweetener that I’d missed in the clean-up. Which is still happening.)

Then last night I thought I’d make a risotto. And lo and behold, I find the upturned sweetener pot in the risotto box. Being as I hate wasting food, I then spent best part of an hour picking sweeteners out of rice. Yes, separating small white round things from small white oval things. A great evening, well spent, as per.