Sell me down the river

As my regular readers (hello Daddy!) will know (I think – I can’t actually remember if I’ve mentioned it before), I suffer from a fairly serious fish phobia. Only of alive ones (I have no probs with cod and chips), which are over about six inches long (it’s a very specific phobia). I’m forever trying to conquer it via ill-advised trips to aquariums (I’ve shivered and sweated through various shark tunnels in the UK, USA and Europe) and by watching TV about big fish. Enter ITV’s River Monsters.
It’s presented by “extreme angler” Jeremy Wade. I can't decide whether I love him or if I want him to get eaten by a river monster. He’s like the Daily Mail of wildlife presenters – always over the top, fear-mongering and never understated. He says things like this:
- “...there's only one way to find out – by putting myself on the menu.”
– “I’m entering a primeval wilderness.”
– “Without protective clothing these eels would’ve ripped into my flesh and tried to eat me alive.”
– “This has gone beyond curiosity. It’s become a feeding frenzy. It’s time to get out, get out, get out!”
Unfortunately it’s this rubbish which makes him not very easy to take seriously. And his insistence on talking about “human flesh” all the time (he never says “skin”)*. I feel like if he’d lost a few fingers like Terry Nutkins I’d take more notice of him. And if he ever actually found a monster in a river.

The good news is that that my flatmate and I have invented a new drinking game where every time he says “flesh” you have to have a drink. It was six times last night. So keep up the good work Jeremy.